My Thoughts On Cursed Child (With Spoilers)

This post contains spoilers. THIS POST CONTAINS SPOILERS. THIS POST CONTAINS SPOILERS. THIS POST CONTAINS SPOILERS. THIS POST CONTAINS SPOILERS. THIS POST CONTAINS SPOILERS. THIS POST CONTAINS SPOILERS. THIS POST CONTAINS SPOILERS.

Oh yeah THIS POST CONTAINS SPOILERS IF YOU HAVEN'T SEEN / READ IT RUN AWAY NOW. Just to be clear the spoilers aren't hidden either. Glad that's out of the way.

Right. Now. Well. This is awkward, isn't it? Because I'm about to get very angry with the series that was BASICALLY MY CHILDHOOD.

First of all, let's make it clear that I haven't seen the play - I've just read the script. Let's make it clear that, yes, I do know what a script is and no I wasn't expecting it to be a novel and no at no point was I expecting it to be anywhere near a novel. But I was expecting something of a coherent plot.

I have read scripts before. In fact, one of them is up there with my favourite books I've ever read. So I did understand what I was letting myself in for.

Everybody loves the play - and that's great. I hear there are some pretty cool tricks in it. But what we've got here is the script. And with the script you get the plot. And nothing but the plot. And that's maybe where the problem lies. Because, unlike some people, I just thought the whole thing was pathetic.

Voldemort + Bellatrix = I can't get that image out of my head.

HELP MEEEEEEEEEE. Voldemort having sex? Ugh. I just find it entirely unrealistic, completely implausible, and also now have an image seared into my brain that I would give anything to get rid of. To be honest, it wasn't as if it wasn't even predictable. The idea of Voldemort having a child was brought in pretty early, and so was Delphi (Voldemort's child). In fact, I spent most of my time reading wondering whether she was Voldemort's daughter and jesus christ surely Rowling has a better plot twist than that up her sleeve?

On the subject of Delphi, I thought her character development was non-existent, she herself entirely predictable, and the way she was (eventually) defeated pathetic. Enough said.

Some say that they would have preferred Voldemort to have been left out entirely, and I sort of agree. Bringing him back did seem very obvious. I was sort of  hoping for a new plot line altogether. However it was good to see the aftermath of the war e.t.c and how the ministry was handling it, even if it was only mentioned briefly.

Time travel - ugh.

It was kind of cool to see the events of the original series being meddled with. That's it: kinda cool. But still not worth putting into an actual play. Jumping backwards and forwards got a little tedious in the end, and each 'problem' got solved incredibly quickly. 

Also, if the end of Part 1 was supposed to be a shocking cliffhanger, it definitely wasn't.

Scorpius and Draco - I enjoyed their relationship.

I think is the best part of the script. Or at least the best part of a bad script. Scorpius and Draco - unlike pretty much any other character - were pretty well developed, and I enjoyed seeing their relationship evolve. I also enjoyed Scorpius and Albus' relationship and how that developed, over the course of what-wasn't-really-a-plot-but-an-excuse-to-make-money. Ahem. Scorpius stole the show, basically.

With that out the way, almost every other character felt undeveloped. Scenes seemed to go by very quickly, and speech didn't flow brilliantly. Ugh.

So yeah, it was the plot that didn't work for me. 

To me, it didn't work. It didn't make sense. So I can see why people say the play needs to be seen. With all the bells and whistles it's probably a good production. But with the script you just get the story - which I thought was ridikulus. (I'm never getting tired of that joke). It didn't fit with the series at all - where was Teddy Lupin?????? Deathly Hallows made it clear that he was a pretty big part of the story.

I wasn't expecting a novel - or anything of the kind - but I was expecting a script that took me back into the wizarding world and had a story that I could enjoy. New characters seemed really underwritten and undeveloped. Ugh. I feel so bad saying this. I just thought it was pretty terrible.

It's all very well saying that you need to go and see it - it's meant to be seen, not read - but I'm not sure how seeing it will make the plot any less pathetic.

I'm now going to go and hide in a hole and flee all those Potterheads who will now be searching for me with pitchforks.

Have you read the script / seen the play? What did you think?